


You Are Not Your Own

by malecfeels



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec, Sad Alec Lightwood, Sad Magnus Bane, post episode:s02e12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 19:11:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11191563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecfeels/pseuds/malecfeels
Summary: Missing Malec Scenes for Season 2 Episode 12 'You Are Not Your Own'A little extension to the frustrating Malec reunion and many other scenes throughout the episode.Contains Major Spoilers for Episode 12.





	You Are Not Your Own

**Author's Note:**

> So the new episode killlllled me. Like it was a rollercoaster of feelings and i died by the end of it.  
> A lot of arguments over the incomplete Malec reunion scene at the end. I myself was a lot frustrated and wanted like little more than what they gave us. But I am not complaining cause it was perfect the way it was and I am guessing it will continue in the next episode. And the main thing I want to see is Magnus coping with all of it. Malec is fine and everything but Magnus has to deal with it without Alec there all the time too.  
> This fic is just the outlet to all of my emotions and I wanted to write what could be the small missing scenes in between.  
> If only the show were Malec based and didn't have like 8 other important characters and their storylines, we would have more of them..!
> 
> ENJOY

**YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN**

**1)**

Alec tapped to open his phone and was immediately greeted by his and Magnus’s picture. It was one of those accidental clicks where Alec was making a weird face and Magnus was giving him a wide smile. Alec was usually not a fan of getting his pictures taken but he loved this one because of how beautiful and carefree Magnus looked. It always brought a smile to his face when he opened his phone.

But this time it didn’t because Alec was more surprised that there wasn’t a reply from Magnus to his two hours ago message. Alec had been bummed when Magnus had declined him last night. He was also worried about him after the Abaddon disaster yesterday and wanted to make sure he was alright. It wasn’t often that Magnus got hurt and that too in one of their missions. It had scared Alec and he wanted nothing more than to be with him making sure he was okay.

But apparently, Magnus was not like that. He would rather stay alone and recuperate and Alec couldn’t blame him. He had been taking care of himself for centuries all alone and as much as Alec would like to remind him that he didn’t have to anymore he would give him his space and time.

Alec had messaged him this morning asking whether he was okay and would like him to come over for a quick breakfast. It was like a ritual to them now. Whenever Alec was out most of the night for patrol and missions which was a lot he would always come by early morning for snuggles and breakfast with Magnus.

But Magnus hadn’t replied for over two hours now and that almost never happened. Magnus always had his phone on him and replied to Alec immediately. Alec gripped his phone tight as he contemplated calling him. If he was just sleeping in late he didn’t want to disturb his rest. But he wanted to talk with him and see him badly. They never went too long without any form of contact.

He was just about to call Magnus when his phone alerted him with a new message. Hastily, he clicked it open,

_Morning. I have work now. Can’t have you over. I will talk to you later._

Alec’s heart sank as he read the message. Usually Magnus greeted him jovially and always with good news. He sighed as he sent a quick ‘Ok’ and shut his phone off. Maybe Magnus was still a little off from yesterday’s attack. And he did have a lot of clients who showed up at any time of the day. He was probably cranky he couldn’t call him over, Alec decided as he started walking towards the control room. They still had a Greater Demon to catch.

Maybe he would call Magnus for help and they would get to spend some quality time together.

* * *

**2)**

Alec gently caressed a hand through Magnus’s spiky hair as he let out a long breath at the near miss. He looked down at the black dust lying on the floor. Last remnants of Abaddon. Magnus was strangely rigid in his embrace, his hand awkwardly squashed between their chests. Alec could feel his rapid breaths whispering on his neck.

“I am okay, Alec.” Magnus said in a heavy tone. He moved back, moving his hand away from Alec’s chest. Alec missed the contact but he didn’t resist as his hand fell away too.

“Are you sure? You don’t seem okay.” Alec said concerned because Magnus’s face was still pale and his eyes seemed to be shuttered and far away. They lacked the usual glint and the playful look.

“Yes. I was just..surprised.” Magnus said getting up and stumbling once on his feet.

Alec immediately steadied him with an arm on his waist. “Easy.” He murmured. “Thank god I came here when I did. How did he even get through your wards?”

“Uh..” Magnus said slowly his gaze focused on the clump of dust on the floor. “I have no idea. He is very powerful and my wards haven’t been up to their full power for a few days.”

“You should strengthen them, Magnus.” Alec reprimanded. His heart was still racing from adrenaline and worry. This was a second time in less than a day that he had seen Magnus get attacked and injured. Needless to say it wasn’t boding well.

“Yes. Yes.” Magnus said distractedly and Alec frowned as he saw the same odd look on his face as earlier.

“Okay.” Alec said carefully. He rubbed Magnus’s arm soothingly. “I need to call Jace and alert everyone about Azazel. Then we can have some rest and you can tell me what is bothering you.”

Magnus snapped his gaze back to him. “What? Nothing is bothering me.”

Alec narrowed his eyes. “Doesn’t look like it.”

“Alec, I am just tired and now this happened and it’s a lot to take in. That’s all.” Magnus said looking at him.

“Are you sure?” Alec asked earnestly. “Why don’t we have some lunch after I make the call? You are right. It’s been a crazy day and I would like to just spend some time with you.”

“No.” Magnus said frowning. “I can’t now. I am meeting Dorothea for her weekly healing dosage.”

“I thought she was all better now?” Alec asked.

“She is. She just needs a checkup. Valentine did put her through a lot, you know?” Magnus said with a small smile.

Alec nodded. “Okay. I guess I will go back to the Institute then. Get this thing sorted out.”

“Of course.” Magnus said airily. “I might come by there later then. Is that okay?

Alec smiled, “Sure. I would love that.” He quickly glamoured his bow and slung it across his back. “See you then. Call me if you need anything else.”

Alec bent down to give a quick kiss on Magnus’s lips but at the last moment Magnus moved a little and the kiss landed on his cheek. Alec frowned but smiled nonetheless. “Bye. I love you.”

“Yeah.” Magnus said his eyes wide. “I..love you too.”

* * *

**3)**

When Alec first heard about it from Inquisitor Herondale, he had a crazy urge to laugh in her face. Surely she was joking?

“What did you say?” Alec repeated as he tried to make sense of what she was saying.

“Valentine is pretending to be Magnus Bane so that he can get out of here. He has been going on about it since last night.” Imogen said in her stern voice her hands folded in front of her chest.

“What are you talking about? How can he pretend that he is Magnus?” Alec asked bewildered.

“He says that Abaddon switched their bodies with a spell during the failed mission of yours last night.” She said narrowing her eyes.

Alec knew that carrying out that mission without the consent of the Inquisitor when she had been in the actual premises hadn’t sat well with her. She had been livid when she had learnt about it and was reminding them of their failure every chance she got.

“I thought it would be useful to inform you about it because of your… _acquaintance_ with Mr. Bane.” She said with a frown.

Alec sighed. The clave and his mother sure had different names for his and Magnus’s relationship except for what it actually was. Usually he would have corrected her or said something snarky but he was still progressing the ‘Valentine pretending to be his boyfriend’ bit.

“Thank you, Inquisitor.” He said politely. “If you want me to look into it I would. But I am sure he is just lying to mess with our minds. I have been in contact with Magnus today and he seemed perfectly fine.”

Alec tasted something bad in his words but before he could think more he was cut off by Imogen’s firm loud voice.

“No.” She said her eyes flashing. “You are not to come near this or him. I cannot trust you to think rationally. Not when the warlock’s name comes up. He can get inside your head.”

Alec gritted his teeth as he controlled the anger building in him at her words. He won’t be good to snap at the Inquisitor right now. He was already in dangerous waters after the Abaddon incident. Instead he stood straight and said shortly, “Okay.” And left before she could say anything else.

Alec directly made his way to the downstairs Op’s room where the system controlling the prison was set up. He wanted to take a look at what exactly Valentine was up to from the video feed of the cameras in the prison. Officially he was sanctioned to work in the room and keep an eye out. But after what Imogen warned him he couldn’t be in there for much long.

Alec sat in front of the main camera that recorded everything inside the prison. He saw Valentine pacing hurriedly from one side to the next, his hands moving restlessly beside him. He was walking a little hunched over than he normally does and was muttering something. Alec tapped the button that allowed him to hear what was happening from the speakers.

“Damn it. Damn it.” He was muttering quickly. “Oh god.”

Alec frowned as he saw as Valentine stood in front of the transparent walls of the cell and banged a fist against it. It won’t create a dent but the bang resounded loudly across the cell and through the speakers.

“Is anybody here? Listen to me! Please!” He yelled banging against the walls again. “I am not Valentine! I am Magnus Bane!”

Alec felt his heart lurch at the actual evidence of what Imogen was saying. He hadn’t fully believed it till that moment because it was just too bizarre. But it was really happening.

What the fuck was Valentine up to now? Alec thought angrily as he saw him repeat the same words again.

He didn’t hear the true desperation and fear in his voice neither the shin of unshed tears in his eyes. All he could hear was his boyfriend’s name from the lips of the most despicable man in this world. The man who had almost ripped Magnus away from him mere days ago. And now just hearing him act pathetic, pretending to be his boyfriend sparked his anger and he barely controlled himself to go in there and punch him.

But after the third time it was too much and he couldn’t control anymore and not thinking about how he was going against the direct orders of the Inquisitor, Alec slammed the door of the cell open and rushed inside fuming with anger.

* * *

**4)**

_You were right. They switched._

No sooner had he heard the words that Alec was rushing back in, his heart bursting out of his chest with so much fear that it was choking him but he didn’t stop; didn’t think except _no, no, no, nonono_

He was almost too late. The knife was on his neck and just one quick movement and-

“No no no wait! Wait! It’s not Valentine!” He yelled frantically as he grabbed firmly at Imogen’s hand and pushed the knife away. He placed his other hand on Val- _No Magnus’s_ shoulder and gripped tight.

At Imogen’s question he just indicated towards where Jace and the real Valentine were standing as projections. He didn’t think he could speak as of yet. He vaguely saw the Inquisitor move out of the room slowly but didn’t pay attention to what was happening. If his heart wasn’t still trying to beat out of his chest he would probably be worried about Valentine holding his parabatai captive.

But all he could focus on was Magnus with his head hanging down and eyes tightly closed.

“Magnus….” Alec whispered as realization finally slammed into him making his knees go weak. But he controlled the urge to scream and puke and instead concentrated on the silent shaking body under his hands. He had already removed the gag and he could hear his breaths wheezing noisily. Alec quickly kneeled in front of him and started working on the hand cuffs.

“Magnus.” He whispered again. He didn’t know what else he could say. _I am sorry?_

Magnus slowly looked up and Alec cringed at the tear streaks on his face. Now that he knew, he could see Magnus’s kind earnest look in Valentine’s usually cold eyes. The softness of them and the heavy slump of the shoulders that was so different than Valentine and he could see it _now._

_Too little, too late…_

“It’s okay now, Magnus.” Alec reassured slowly. He had finished with both the hand and feet cuffs and was rubbing gently at the irritated skin on his wrists. “You are safe. It’s okay.”

Magnus looked steadily at him, his chest still heaving with deep breaths and said in a soft tone, “It’s not okay.”

Alec’s heart sank at the gravelly tone and he almost lost it there. But Imogen quickly came inside, her face white as a ghost.

“We need to go. We need to go now. My grandson…” She said in a high pitched voice, something he had never heard from her before.

Alec wanted to argue and deny whatever she wanted. He wanted to take Magnus away, get his body back to him and just whisk him far away from this mess.

But in the end he couldn’t do anything as usual. He watched as Magnus in Valentine’s body readied himself to go and meet the real Valentine and save Jace. All he could do was watch him go with a heavy heart. Feeling utterly useless, he went and gathered Clary and much to his annoyance Sebastian to gear up and save Magnus and his parabatai and not let Valentine escape again.

This time he wouldn’t repeat his mistake. He would save Magnus at all costs.

* * *

 

 

**5)**

“Tell me how to fix this. Just tell me what to do. Please.” Alec whispered.

Alec had never seen Magnus like this. It hurt to look at him because he looked so small and worse, _defeated._ Magnus was always alive and happy and just the complete opposite of what he was now. And it was killing Alec to see him like this. And it was all his fault.

His heart broke a little more when he saw Magnus say nothing but just tiredly shake his head as if to say ‘You can’t do anything.’ And it hurt because he knew it was the truth.

Alec just wanted to hold him close and soothe away all his pain and sorrow. Kiss him till all the exhaustion and the dreadful memories drain away forever. But things weren’t that simple anymore.

“I don’t know.” Magnus whispered finally turning away from him. “I am tired.” He sagged back on the couch, closing his eyes. Alec noted absently that Magnus’s minimal makeup was now ruined and the dark liner had spread around his eyes in an unflattering manner. If Magnus had been even a little of his usual self he would have been immediately remedied it.

“Why don’t start a bath for you? The extra bubble one you love so much?” Alec said soothingly. His hand hovered over Magnus’s which was resting at his side but he couldn’t make himself to place it on his. His eyes were still closed. “Then you can go to sleep.”

“I think I want to be alone.” Magnus murmured without opening his eyes.

Alec felt like someone had punched him hard in the stomach as he heard the emotionless tone deliver the statement. Tears threatened his eyes as he fisted his hands tightly to keep them at bay. This was not the time. He took a long breath and said, “No.”

Magnus opened his eyes quickly and looked at him steadily.

“I know I am probably the last person you want to see, Magnus.” Alec said swallowing hard. “But I ju-just. I am not leaving you alone to deal with this. I know you have been dealing with shit like this for years now. But, Magnus…You don’t have to any more. You don’t have to face this alone.”

Magnus took a shaky breath. “I can’t do this, Alec.”

“I know.” Alec said leaning closer but not touching him. “Believe me I know. But you once told me not to push you away if things got tough. And that applies to you too, Magnus. I can’t expect you to forgive me or act normal with me like nothing happened at all. But what I can do is be there for you if at all you need me.”

Alec continued in a soft voice, “So please. Let me be there for you. Let me do it for you. We will take it slow okay? You don’t have to do anything except just rest now and not think about it. Okay?”

Magnus’s eyes shone with unshed tears as he nodded slightly, “Okay.”

Alec exhaled in relief and he gave a small smile. He got up and said to Magnus, “Good. I’ll go and start that bath. Come when you are ready.”

Magnus took a good hour in the bath. Alec was tempted to go in and sit beside him but he didn’t because he knew Magnus needed his space right now. And Alec was still coming to grips with the whole incident. He took a quick shower in the guestroom to wash away all the grime and pain of the horrible day. He selected one of his shirts that he kept here and shrugged it on. He selected a loose black bathrobe and kept it out with a towel for Magnus after the bath.

With one ear in the bedroom, Alec walked into the kitchen and made the soothing herbal tea that Magnus had once made him for a migraine a couple of months back. He felt glad to have learnt the recipe from Magnus. After making the tea, Alec checked in once to see that Magnus was still in the bath and made his way back to the living room. The room was in shambles. Broken vials of potions, cluttered books and upturned chairs. He started cleaning as much as he could. Alec had always felt calm when mending or cleaning something.

Alec hissed as a sharp glass vial cut into his palm at his distracted thoughts. He tried stemming the flow as pain washed over him. Alec sighed as he gave one glance at the wound which wasn’t deep but was long and jagged. He turned away from it and continued his work, the pain a kind of relief at the moment.

Twenty minutes later, Alec entered the bedroom to see Magnus walking towards the huge bed. The blinds were half closed, rendering the room almost dark. Alec hovered as Magnus slowly settled himself in the bed among the covers. He tugged them over Magnus’s legs and settled the pillows behind him. Magnus let out a loud breath.

“Was the bath good?” Alec asked softly.

“Yeah.” Magnus said looking at him.

“I’ll be back in a minute. I made you that herbal tea you gave me once for my headache.” Alec said and quickly made his way outside.

Magnus had his eyes closed when he entered back with the cup of tea. He immediately opened his eyes as he heard Alec and sat straighter in bed.

“You can sleep soon. Just have some of this. You will feel better.” Alec said handing the cup to Magnus. Their fingers touched and Alec’s heart jumped at the contact. He wanted to wrap them around his but refrained from his desire to do so. “Careful. It’s hot.”

“Thank you.” Magnus said quietly and took a small sip. Alec looked around and dragged the small armchair from the corner of the room. He settled a good distance away from the bed and Magnus. They sat in silence as Magnus continued to sip from the cup, his body slowly relaxing.

“What happened to your hand?” Magnus asked suddenly. He was holding the cup down with both the hands, eyes trained on Alec’s hands which were wrung together.

Alec grimaced as he looked down at the slash which was now oozing blood down his hand. He had gotten used to the pain and had ignored it till now. It was like a constant pang through his hand that he welcomed. It made him focus.

“It’s nothing.” Alec said shortly, rubbing away at the blood. He winced as it tugged at the wound. “Do you want more tea? Or maybe some biscuits? You think you can eat some?”

“Alexander.” Magnus said quietly. “Why haven’t you applied anything to it or wrapped it up?”

 “I didn’t get a chance. I will wrap it up later.” Alec said.

“Give it here. I will heal it.” Magnus said leaning forward.

“No.” Alec recoiled.

Alec looked up as Magnus and sighed as he saw the look in his eyes. “Magnus please. I need it.”

Magnus set the cup down on the bedside table and turned piercing eyes towards him. “You have to know that I don’t blame you.”

“Don’t.” Alec said abruptly. “We are not getting into this now just because I am being a selfish prick. This is not the time.”

“Don’t be stupid Alec.” Magnus said sternly. His eyes were glimmering in the dark. “You said that you will be there for me when I need you. Then I need you to _listen_ now.”

“I _don’t_ blame you for what happened. It wasn’t your fault.” Magnus said in a firm tone. “I resent the fact that it happened to me and you couldn’t help me when I needed you the most. But that doesn’t mean it happened because of _you_.”

“I failed you.” Alec whispered.

“I did hope with everything I had that you would come through.” Magnus said quietly. “And it hurts that you didn’t. But I could never blame you for that, Alexander.”

“Then you should.” Alec said gritting his teeth.

“That would be easier ,yes.” Magnus agreed. “But I can’t. I love you too much for that.”

Alec felt a tear roll down his cheek. He furiously wiped it away. The blood from his hand smeared across his face. “I am so sorry, Magnus. I am sorry that I  couldn’t save you. And I am sorry you had to go through all of that. I swear if I could go back and change it…”

Magnus smiled sadly as he leaned forward and touched his cheek. He slowly wiped the blood and the tears away. “I know darling. It sucks. But I will be okay now. You did save me. Still are.” He moved his hand and took Alec’s injured one in his. Blue sparks engulfed them as healing magic spread through the wound stitching it close. “Stop blaming yourself. I just need you to be here.”

“Always.” Alec said sniffing. He enveloped both of Magnus’s hands in his. “I’ll be here. I’ll help you, I promise.”

“I love you, sweetheart.” Magnus said with a genuine smile. Alec’s heart burst in happiness at the sweet smile and he bent down to kiss their entwined hands.

“I love you too.” Alec murmured.

They sat together in comfortable silence with their hands entwined. The night grew dark around them but it wasn’t an oppressing kind. After a while Magnus slid down on the bed until he was lying cocooned in the warm blankets. He tugged at their hands and whispered softly, “Will you hold me?”

“Of course.” Alec murmured. He let go of their hands and immediately climbed in behind Magnus. He slid his arms around his waist and tugged him closer. Alec breathed in the sweet shampoo scent of Magnus’s hair and closed his eyes feeling at peace after a long time.

Alec knew Magnus still had a long way to go. It would take a while before he can gain back his familiar confidence and glamour. He was going to have to battle his inner demons that had been silent for so long. But Alec promised himself that he would be there for him every step of the way and help him get back on his feet again. He would be there to soothe the nightmares away and fill their life with sweet and beautiful dreams.

* * *

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it..!  
> And I really like to hear what you thought of the episode. Did you think that the writers did a mistake by giving less screentime to the Malec reunion? Or was it perfect the way it was?


End file.
